by Michelle Martinez

What happened to your libido? Examine these suspects…

March 5, 2022 | Pleasure & Orgasms, Relationships

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The way we’re generally taught to think about libido, or sex drive, is based largely on the “average” man’s experience:

  • Desire is consistent, happening regularly like a hunger for food, or the need for sleep
  • Feeling turned on can happen without needing a “reason” to feel turned on
  • The most arousing thing is seeing sexually explicit images and nudity (ie. pornography)

Not all men experience their libido in this way, it’s an overall generalization, for sure.  But it’s widespread enough that our Patriarchal Sex Culture has instilled these patterns as what’s “normal” for humans and their sexual desire.

But sexual desire and turn-on doesn’t operate this way in a lot of humans.

So although low sexual desire can seem on the surface to be a problem of sexual “brokenness” or “hormonal imbalance” to be solved with some kind of medical intervention…

…it is often actually a very normal and healthy expression of sexuality in a perfectly normal and healthy human.

We just haven’t been taught the different ways that libido and desire CAN operate within people, so it’s easy to feel confused and discouraged around this topic.

But don’t worry — these four frameworks will help you figure out what’s actually going on, and why you or your partner being uninterested in sex these days isn’t the death sentence to your sex life that you thought it was. (yay!)

In this video, you’ll learn how each of the following frameworks explains a potential cause of low libido and how to work with them to support sexual desire to starting flowing freely again:

Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire

Resource: Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski, PhD

Sexual Seasons

To learn more about the Sexual Seasons, check out this video by Layla Martin

Erotic Blueprints

Take Jaiya’s quiz to find out what your Erotic Blueprint / Erotic Profile is!

Body Shame

If body shame is holding you back from exploring, enjoying, and embracing your full sexual self, I invite you to take my Body Confidence Mastery course (available inside the BodyWise app) or apply to work with me in Sacred Slut.

About the author, Michelle Martinez


With degrees in Psychology and Public Health, and VITA-certification as a Sex, Love, and Relationship Coach, Female Sexuality Coach, and Tantric Sex Coach, Michelle is on a mission to help women re-establish loving, pleasurable, and powerful relationships with their bodies and sexuality through mindfulness, tantra, and cultural change.

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