In my early 20s, I worked as a server at a small, dimly-lit, super-intimate restaurant in Seattle.

It was the kind of place where regulars would convene every night, and the bartender would mediate conversations about politics, philosophy, and sex.  

In an otherwise very sexually liberal environment, one of my female coworkers (let's call her Ashley) happened to be a conservative Christian, committed to not having sex until marriage.

One night, reflecting on Ashley’s abstinence, a male coworker remarked, “It’s such a shame. She has a body built for sex.”  

Ashley had a very curvaceous body -- that va-va-voom-type body type that seems to be implied when someone's figure is described as "feminine" or "womanly".

Suffice it to say, that is not my own body type.

Immediately I felt my heart beat faster and my gut clench. It was the all-too-familiar feeling of body shame, usually triggered by an image or comment reminding me that my body shape is not the most sexy... not ideal... even "boyish," rather than womanly. That my body is a disappointment to the people I most want to attract.

I suddenly realized that he had put into words an idea that I'd been subconsciously internalizing for years, without even realizing it: 

Some bodies are built for sex…and others are not.

And if that was true, what else did that imply??

That some bodies are worthy of sexual desire and others are not.

That some bodies are worthy of sexual pleasure and others are not.

That some bodies are worthy of the physical connection, passion, love, intimacy, power, ecstatic orgasm, and spiritual nourishment of a truly fulfilling sex life.... 

....and others are not.

No. I refuse to accept this.

In a rare moment of being able to articulate and voice the exact empowering thing I wanted to say in response to something that triggered the hell out of me, I said, “Hey — ALL BODIES are built for sex.” 

That happened over 10 years ago, and “All bodies are built for sex” has become the North Star of BodyWise Coaching. 

The Solution

Sexual self-connection.

For far too long, I held myself back from participating fully and freely in my own sexuality, because I didn't think my body was "sexy" enough to have what I wanted...

I didn't have the proportions of a centerfold model. And because I'd only ever seen that type of woman held up as sexually desirable and powerful, and as the love interest in every movie, I internalized the story that deep love and passionate sex were for women with THOSE bodies.

In an effort to hate my body less, I tried dieting, excessive exercise, therapy, expensive makeup, you name it. I've fantasized about cosmetic surgery plenty of times.

Then, on a tantra retreat in 2019, I experienced the worst body shame spiral of my entire life.

Two days later, I was dancing naked on a beach with 40 other women, reunited with the natural love, joy, and awe toward my body that I hadn't experienced since I was a child... that magical time when I had no idea a part of my body or pleasure could feel wrong, dirty, sinful, or ugly.

That retreat was part of a year-long deep dive into Tantra-inspired healing practices that pushed me to confront my body shame and sexual shame at the same time.

In that process, I realized that in order to have a pleasurable and empowered relationship with my own body, I needed to realize that my body and sexuality are, first and foremost, for ME to love and enjoy.  

I can have thriving relationships with my breasts, belly, and pussy that have nothing to do with anyone else's opinions or preferences. 

And now I am using those tantra-inspired healing practices to guide clients into their own embodied experiences of wholeness, worthiness, and beauty, just as they are.