by Michelle Martinez

Taking responsibility is not the same as admitting fault

December 19, 2023 | Relationships

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Right before his Uncle Ben passed away, he told Peter (Spider Man),

"With great power comes great responsibility."

And I think we all know what this means, right?  The more power and privilege a person has, the more responsibility they have to wield it for the greater good.

(Doesn't mean that powerful people always or often DO that, but that just means they're neglecting their responsibility.)

Now consider the inverse:

"With great responsibility comes great power."

There's a pattern I see often among couples in which each partner feels that they are taking on more than their fair share of things, like the chores, the inner healing work, the compromising.

And the last thing they want to hear is that they could be taking more responsibility in their relationship.

They're already giving 90%, and relationships are supposed to be 50/50 right??

But building an awesome relationship is not about what's ideal, or fair...

(I know, this is tough to hear)

And when it feels like you're putting way more into it than your partner is, bitching about them to other people (however justified a complaint may be) never makes the relationship better. 

If anything, it just validates an emotional pattern of feeling resentful, unseen, and undervalued, and digs you deeper into it.

(And what do you think that does to the energy you bring toward your person the next time you see them?)

This can be tough, though, because it really feels like you shouldn't have to do so much. You're probably thinking: "I should only be responsible for fixing the things that are my fault."

But here's another hard truth:

The amount of responsibility you take for fixing something is often wildly disproportionate to the fault you had in creating it.

Gen Y and Gen Z are taking a lot of responsibility for tackling the climate crisis, even though they contributed very little to it, because they understand they will be the hardest hit by it.

People who suffered childhood traumas are in therapy taking responsibility for their healing, and they are definitely not at fault for what happened to them.

And in your relationship, you can take responsibility for shifting a pattern or dynamic that you did not single-handedly create.

Taking responsibility is about doing what's in your power to create what you want, regardless of the "fault" you had in creating what you do NOT want.

The more responsibility you take to improve the dynamics in your relationship, the more influence, power, and magic you can wield to create those changes.

And here's the good news:

"Taking responsibility" for creating a deeply intimate, playful connection with a partner who sees and cherishes you is not about doing more around the house or giving him blowjobs (that you don't want to give) to keep him happy, or anything like that.

Taking responsibility for making your relationship freakin' epic looks more like:

🙌 Doing things that feel good in your body and soul on a regular basis

🙌 Understanding the orgasmic pathways of your own body

🙌 Asking your partner to do something that would make you swoon and appreciate them sooooo much

🙌 Learning to self-validate your sexual needs, your beauty, and your boundaries

🙌 Bringing the patience, acceptance, compassion, playfulness, and intentional connection to the relationship that you want to receive in it

🙌 Leaving a relationship where you're punished or discouraged for doing any of the above

These are the things that serve your erotic aliveness -- which is the thing that your partner wants, more than anything else, from you, and will bring out the best from them.

Not coincidentally...

These are all skills you learn in Infinite Intimacy 😉

This program is a 3-in-1 online course (GATEWAY, VIXEN, and MELT) + live group coaching + Facebook group + bonuses all designed to help you bring your BEST self to your relationship, transforming it from the inside out.

About the author, Michelle Martinez


With degrees in Psychology and Public Health, and VITA-certification as a Sex, Love, and Relationship Coach, Female Sexuality Coach, and Tantric Sex Coach, Michelle is on a mission to help women re-establish loving, pleasurable, and powerful relationships with their bodies and sexuality through mindfulness, tantra, and cultural change.

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