by Michelle Martinez

Why women are struggling with sex (and what we can do about it)

April 27, 2024 | Relationships

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If you have ever felt like something must be wrong with you because, even though you love your long-term boyfriend or husband SO MUCH, you feel totally disconnected from any authentic sexual desire, and you feel broken or simply confused about why your sexuality continues to be this point of tension in your relationship, then this video is for you.

  • 00:00 Why women AND men should watch this video
  • 00:26 What I mean when I say "women are struggling to thrive sexually"
  • 00:55 Three ongoing challenges that women face that inhibit their natural sexual joy (and why marriage forces them to confront these challenges)
  • 01:16 The three challenges
  • 03:16 How we (women) make men responsible for healing our sexual wounds and insecurities
  • 04:00 Why we do this ("they broke it, they should fix it")
  • 05:35 The Powerless Princess Paradox
  • 07:30 How to evolve from the Powerless Princess to into the sexually alive woman you long to be?
About the author, Michelle Martinez


With degrees in Psychology and Public Health, and VITA-certification as a Sex, Love, and Relationship Coach, Female Sexuality Coach, and Tantric Sex Coach, Michelle is on a mission to help women re-establish loving, pleasurable, and powerful relationships with their bodies and sexuality through mindfulness, tantra, and cultural change.

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  • Regarding your accusations of men and religions being responsible for a woman’s sexual insecurity, I couldn’t disagree more. While it may appear to be true on the surface, it is only true for the woman if she buys into those exterior influences. So, if a woman does indeed by into them, she has essentially agreed with her so called “persecutors”. This principle is true for all matters, sexual, racial age related so on and so forth. Perhaps you think women cannot help but be influenced by all these circumstances, and there is some truth to this, however she still has to adopt those beliefs. Furthermore, when a woman finally sees that she has in fact bought into negative influences, she will actually become MORE empowered, not less. And Lastly, the Princess Paradox is not really a paradox, it is a contradiction. A contradiction has a resolution whereas a paradox does not. The phrase “Change is the only Constant” is a paradox because it has no resolution, but is also true in its meaning, and cannot be otherwise disputed.

    • Your comment suggests to me that you think people should be able to control whether they are influenced at all by negative social expectations, or the beliefs of others, and I just don’t think that’s realistic for anybody.

      However, it seems to me that we are actually on the same page about a woman’s power (anyone’s power, really) to recognize when they have internalized negative beliefs from others and work to shift those beliefs (which is the entire point of the video — to take responsibility for our own inner healing and unravel the beliefs they’ve taken on from their persecutors, as you would say). But it doesn’t change the fact that there have been VERY strong negative influences from individual boys, men, and the patriarchy at large (and also other women), that make it a force that needs contending with and healing FROM. To expect women to just “not buy into it” from the get-go is not realistic, and if we focus too much on the persecuted person’s responsibility to RESIST their own oppression, we distract from the responsibility of the oppressor in the damage they cause.

      Are there any ideas of masculinity that you inherited, or internalized, which you have had to work to unlearn or heal from? Or any beliefs, for that matter, that you didn’t WANT to believe, but were hard to shake from your subconscious?

      And yeah, to be honest I realized this is not technically a “paradox” before I posted this, but I figured the subtle nuance there wasn’t worth sacrificing the alliteration. The point is that it’s an experience that holds two seemingly contradictory experiences — one of victimhood that feels disempowering, and one of entitlement which SHOULD feel empowering but isn’t — at the same time.

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